Avoid Generic Openers
"Hey" or "Hi there" get deleted within seconds. Stand out by showing you've actually read their profile. Reference something specific that caught your attention—a hobby, photo, or bio detail.
The Formula for Success
Great first messages typically follow this pattern:
- Personalized opening: Reference something unique from their profile
- Ask an open-ended question: Encourage a thoughtful response
- Show your personality: Add humor or warmth that reflects who you are
Examples That Work
"Your photo in Patagonia is stunning! I've always wanted to visit—what was the highlight of your trip?"
This works because it's specific, shows genuine interest, and asks an engaging question.
This works because it's specific, shows genuine interest, and asks an engaging question.
"I see you're into craft breweries—have you tried the new spot downtown? I'm looking for recommendations!"
Shared interests make excellent conversation starters.
Shared interests make excellent conversation starters.
What to Avoid
- Physical compliments about appearance (can come across shallow)
- Generic pickup lines
- Being overly formal or stiff
- Writing an essay—keep it concise and engaging
Follow-Up Strategy
If they respond positively, keep the momentum going by:
- Responding within a reasonable timeframe
- Building on topics they bring up
- Avoiding yes/no questions that kill conversation
- Knowing when to suggest moving to a phone call or date